How did it already get to here?

It's the end of August!

How and why did that happen?

Enjoyed my very warm and humid visit to the Houston area. Not sure if it will work out to visit next year or not with a Vegas trip and most likely another road trip to Edmonton in the books. Maybe they'll be able to come visit the west coast crew again! :)

so...

new rules and guidelines for a better me coming soon...

(as in a post tomorrow... I vowed to post 2 times this weekend and I will do it!)

Wally

I had the pleasure of dog sitting Wally off and on a few times over the last few years and we always had a good time.

Rest in peace my furry friend... I miss you a lot... :)

Regretfully yours....

Finally... time to blog! LOL ... no really, what else am I supposed to do when I'm at the airport for a flight delay ... ? so apologies again for delays but I have mentally been writing this post for quite a while.

It sort of fits into the envy series but it's more of a different nature. :)
* * * * * *

I am not one who really has any regrets but I guess if you start to be patient, then I will start saying well, I guess....

so here it is.

I regret that I have always carried my heart on my sleeve, even when I didn't realize it. I do... it's been a partial bane of my existance because it made me completely transparent when I thought I was being clever and guarding myself well.

I regret that my choice of confidant has not always had my best interests in view and a few times chose to enlighten those that I may have been .. .ah... well... I guess it could be considered slightly stalkerish but I choose to just call it a huge big ole crush. unrequited love if you will... is it really love if it's one sided?

I regret that I held persons who may or may not have been interested in me to a really unfair standard. There is absolutely no way you could have lived up to the guy in my head - you know the one I thought that didn't know ... but totally knew. Can we talk about total mortification... that deepens when you realize what he was thinking when a totally innocent situation then was escalated because 1. they didn't know what he meant and 2. I certainly didn't know what he meant. I've had a lot of time to analyze that one... It would be interesting to actually talk to him again and explain things but as of right now, there's a friends request on facebook but it hasn't been approved yet. and if his marital status is well... marital... i fear that I'd be even more mortified to actually explain in the face of the realization that what could have been really could have been if not for the extreme circumstances that caused us to be totally misguided.

to those that allowed me to be deeply, blissfully oblivious to the status of my 'hiding'... thank you. I was again, mortified to find out you did sorta know but I am grateful that we've never spoken of it. and thank you for still being a friend. your wife and children are lovely and I have nothing but best wishes for you all. (please note that this actually applies to a few people... not calling anyone out here... LOL ) On the other hand, if you would have called me out on it, maybe it would have eased my nerves and not every one of these other guys would have been as disasterous as they were.

so here it is... those are probably the only regrets.. well, other than not taking that bump in flight in May... lol ... and well, backing away when someone teasingly acted like he was going to kiss me. funny that... he also told my parents the first time he met them that we were getting married and sir, I remind you, I'm still waiting for a ring and an official proposal... LOL ... you know who you are. and if you don't remember exactly then yes, I will accept and review applications from all those that may think it was them. we're not getting any younger and I can forgive for not remembering.

where does this really leave me? well, this week, I decided that I have 2 years to turn a thing or two around. I have no intention of being the single fat chick at my 20th reunion and when I say that, I also mean that I have no intention of being the only virgin in the room. so something has to change. My goals at this point are to start an exercise program, cut down on artificial sweetners and soda pop so that I can lose weight and start to see some improvements in how I feel about myself.

I raise my decaf caramel macchiato to my regrets and wish them a sound good bye...!

Wrap up...

Weeeeelllll.... apparently even a challenge like this is too much to expect me to blog consistantly... AND keep track of things.

But... what I can report is that my fast food per week dropped from 10/15 to 5/10... which means my anticipated 50+ was more around 35 or so...

It helps a lot that it's summer and fresh local fruit is starting to be around more.

On the other hand... It's now July... 11 and just a bit more days until Harry Potter part 7.2. :) Yay! And then it's my other vacation... yes, I call it a staycation because I will be down at my Parent's place for a few days and then wandering my way home again around the Washington coast and penninsula and then... just a little while more until TEXAS!! hoping for ice cream and waterparks. LOL

More soon...

Week one...

well... 4 days... LOL

Fast food count:
1 breakfast: sausage mcmuffin, no egg and a diet coke... (friday)
1 dinner: #4 - 2 cheeseburgers, large fry, diet coke... (thursday)

Coffee count:
2 usual from independant coffee stand (decaf americano, all ice no extra water, sf barista choice syrup and 1/2 n 1/2 - totally Atkins friendly and therefore, still a part of my 'diet' world even though I don't follow the plan anymore.)
1 ice tea - starbucks
1 2 shot decaf esspresso over ice, with sf cinnamon dolce and cream.

fast food food, from a non fast food source:
1 preztal w/ nacho cheese
1 hot dog

Not sure how to classify food from a Storm basketball game but I'll add it as a separate category ... seeing as I'll be having food from a Mariner's game tomorrow... will take pictures of that tomorrow. forgot today.

Okay so my total ... what I'm calling my total, for June so far is 2. if you are a 'purist' to the numbers, then fine, counting starbucks stops that is a 4...

It was interesting, fighting my instincts about grabbing my usual every night fast food option for dinner... I was trying to do another thing ... documented on my other blog about only making it on $20 for groceries for the week. I can do it... I came in under $20 but that included a lot of things I had on hand already. So I think I will shelve that goal for a bit - trying to get my fast food meals under control first. And my way to get that under control will be to try and make things from what I know I have at home first.

I haven't even gotten to the grilled cheese sandwiches yet... but managed to eat okay for the first week - I was doing the grocery thing all week.

later!

envy... part 2

Okay... time again to overanalyze ourselves in this search to rid ourselves of envy issues.

Today's issue... 3rd or 5th wheel issues.

Most of us have been there, right? That strange little, odd, awkward situation that causes there to be an extra chair at the end of the table... an empty seat across from you...

the emptiness and loneliness of not having a hand to grab when you're walking around somewhere where you seem to be stopped and slowed at every turn by a couple who insist on walking side by side, hand in hand or hand in back pocket. (heaven forbid they're pushing a stroller or have a couple little cuties frolicking around by them... let's not even go to the place that lets us discuss guys having a guys night out with 3 generations. Although it would be interesting to follow up and find out how their wives felt about them feeding the 2 year olds, cotton candy at 9 pm... but I digress... these are also topics for future envy studies.) where were we... right... no one to lean back against when your back hurts or ... well, there's probably plenty of others...

It does sting a bit more when you realize that you again... again... are the only one in that position at a family dinner. Round tables are your friend but most often or not, the waitress sticks a chair on the end and you, because it seems silly to not, go ahead and sit on the end, sticking out like a sore thumb in the middle of the aisle. All this does is hammer home the fact that you are alone... let me say it again... ALONE!

Now again, this would not be so awkward if there were say, a niece or nephew for you to cuddle and take charge of because even though they are obviously not 'with' you... they ease the torment of the 3rd or 5th wheel situation for you because it does give you someone to even out the situation. Go ahead and entertain the notion of trying to beg and plead with someone to go along with you to family events... perhaps if they did, well, you could just claim it didn't work out later but that of course would be assuming you could find someone who might find you attractive enough to kiss you on occasion. *sigh* Good luck with that. and please let me know if you ever find that guy... I may need to borrow him... borrow, not pay... lol ...

It's envy that makes you feel this way... an emotional reaction to the things around you that makes you go - hey, i want that! I want that now!!. It doesn't work that way. You're not going to always get what you want. but like the song says... if you try... sometimes you get what you need.

But again now... who are you to know what you need. only God knows what you need and for the most part, he's blessed you with what you need. So stop trying to find other things that he's not determined are for you to have at this time.

Patience ... lots and lots of patience... (and chocolate) He will provide.

*peace N love*

new project...

Fun bloggy thing for June that will be appearing right here....

:o)

Fast food...

necessity?

EVIL?

Let's face it... it's fast, cheap and the easiest dinner you can manage.

But there are plenty things out there that say we eat it too much... so here's the challenge...

I will be tracking and blogging my fast food situations - because I have a few things going that I think will make it seem rather interesting.

I am going to track coffee separately because I personally don't think it counts if there is no food... anyone reading, can certainly lump them in but I'm not going to.

June first... coming soon... and a new project starting on the other blog too... stay tuned to that for details.